Monthly Archives: October 2016

No shame I have Period Pain

My first tryst with my period was no fairy tale. It was painful with heavy flow.It would reoccur in 20 days and I bled for 8-9 days.The nightmare continued months after months. Till today,I fret when my period dates is near.

But there is a difference between my acceptance of my period pain today and when it started.The sanitary pad ads showed that you can do anything you want ( dance,jump,run) during your periods. This time of the month is like any other time. My naive mind believed what was portrayed. However my body was giving me different signs. It was asking me to relax,to take it easy,to find a comfortable position to sleep for the pain to subside. Growing up with two elder sisters who absolutely had no problems during their menses,made my determination to lead a normal life during my periods all the more strong.However my body was not with me. Forget running,I couldn’t even get up from bed at times. I was told that pain is normal,but i should not let it deter me. I sighed thinking my pain bearing capacity is less. It kind of isolated me. I found it hard to describe to others what I went through. I consulted doctors and they helped me in normalizing my period flow and pain.Yet,it was not completely painless. Yes I could carry on my with normal work ,it was not as bad but it was there. Over the years I think you learn to live with the pain.

        In early 2000, I discovered the magical world of Google and searched how many girls suffered like I did. To my surprise I realized many girls had exactly the same problems like I do. It occurred to me that our society is uncomfortable talking about periods. Many of us must be suffering from stomach ache due to periods but when asked what is the problem,we would say head ache,back ache. This is more soever true if the other party worrying about your health is from the opposite gender.It is like there is some shame in saying you are in pain due to periods.When we buy the sanitary pads,we don’t carry it openly.It is wrapped in newspaper.We even change our pads in office by secretly carrying it.It is like “Voldemort” from Harry Potter. Everyone knows it but address it as -”You know who”.The boys gang say,”It is that time of the month”,like if they say “Periods” it will engulf them and they would start to bleed.

      Probably growing up with a girl dominated family,we discussed it openly.My dad concerned about my health would keep track of my period date.He also has taken me to doctor and explained my condition.I have seen hesitation in both genders to talk about “Periods”.Girls giving subtle hints to other girls about having periods and guys plain ignorance on mistakenly overhearing the conversation.

I would like to say to all the girls ,”Having period pains and sometimes in extreme is not so uncommon.Do not go by the advertisement,they are fabricating lies.Why you suffer while others cakewalk through their time, is something no one can answer.It is like some have dust allergy and some dont. Do not shy away in communicating about it.It is one thing that is responsible for evolution of the world.So why the shame?Take pride in your contribution!!

“This blogathon is supported by the Maya App, used by 6.5 million women worldwide to take charge of their periods and health.”

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Daughter’s Money-Who has the right to use it?

We are in the 21st century, where women have moved from managing kitchen chores to office chores. They are an integral earning member of the family now. However, these women are facing a dilemma today. The money they earn whom does it belong to? The car, house or any other valuables they must have bought before marriage with some or no help from their parents, whom does it belong to after marriage. What if they want to give a part of their salary to her parents even after marriage? Will it be OK with her new family? Will her parents accept it?

Many people have realized, that education provides the confidence and independence to a girl, needed if faced with dire consequences. So, thankfully many girls are being educated today. You can see the pride, if their daughters are scaling new heights in their career. However, many of them do not use their daughter’s money for their household expense. They either save it or invest it for their own daughter’s future. Some might use it for her own marriage, some might not even do that. Educating the daughter is their duty, but they do not believe they have a right on their daughter’s hard earned money. A message is silently passed on to their daughters, “You are only my duty but I have no right on you”.

However progressive we call ourselves, but we never get rid of the concept of girl being “Paraya Dhan”. The word “Kanyadaan” itself indicates giving away. As soon as girl is born, if a family is not dejected, deep in their heart they prepare themselves for the day when they will give away their beautiful daughter. Is not “Kanyadaan” objectifying women? Is she an object or a piece of land to be given away??Marriage is about two people spending their life together, why is it made to be a girl leaving her birth family!!!

There are many girls who financially support their family. However, once she is married, the right on her money is assumed to be transferred to her husband and his family. If the husband’s family is a good, they would say,” You know we allow her to help her family. After all they are her parents. We are not orthodox you know”. Who gave you the right to allow or not allow? It is her money, and she alone has the right to decide what to do with it!! The way, a girl’s parent has no right on your son’s income, similarly you don’t have any right on your daughter in laws income.If you have all rights on your sons money then why cant a girls parent have rights on her money.

There are so many women who help their parents secretly because their in-laws won’t like it or worse situation they might one day taunt her parents. Many parents seek help from their daughter secretly because they feel ashamed of letting the society know about it. It will hurt their so-called image in the society. Funnily, our society cribs if a son doesn’t take care of his parents but daughter has no such obligation. And if daughter takes care of their parents, they are labelled as – “Son”

By imparting education to our daughters, we have crossed one barrier. But true equality would be achieved when we treat our daughters with exactly same expectation as we treat our son. When we will truly believe that daughters too are an integral part of family irrespective of her marital status, the way our sons are.

This post is published here